How to Bring Back Intimacy in a Marriage - 3 Transformational Shifts

In this post, I’m going to share 3 powerful takeaways to help you reconnect with your husband—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Do you ever lie awake at night wondering… “Why do I feel so disconnected in my own marriage?”

Or maybe you wonder, “Where did the love and spark go?”

Maybe you’re doing all the things—taking care of the home, the kids, holding everything together—and still… you feel this emptiness inside.

Maybe the emotional connection has faded… the cuddles, the deep talks, the laughter—they’re just not there like they used to be.

And. I. Get it.
It. Hurts.

You start questioning yourself. “is it me? Is he not attracted to me anymore? Why do i feel invisible?”

That kind of loneliness in marriage… it’s one of the most painful places to be.

And so many women are silently living with it—wondering how to save your marriage when it seems impossible. And you don’t even know where to start.

Maybe you’ve tried talking about it. Maybe you’ve tried being more patient.

Or maybe… you’ve just started to stay quiet and keep it all to yourself."

But deep in your heart, you’re still longing—longing to get the spark back in a broken relationship, to feel loved, desired, and truly connected again.

Here’s what I want you to know:
Intimacy isn’t gone—it’s just been covered up.

By stress, old pain we never talked about, daily routines, and the walls we put up when our hearts start to shut down.

But it can come back.

And today, I want to guide you in taking that first gentle, loving step toward healing.

So if you’re ready to stop feeling like: “roommates” and start feeling like partners again, make sure to read this post until the end.

Okay, my dear... Let’s get real for a sec.

You know that feeling when your husband walks past you without even noticing your new haircut, and you're like, “Ah, he doesn’t even care anymore…”?

Well, here’s what most of us don’t realize—that reaction? That emotion? That interpretation?

It’s not just about him.

It’s coming from what’s going on inside you... deep inside your subconscious mind.

So here’s how it works:
Your subconscious mind is actually running 90% of your life.

Yup. Only 10% of our thoughts—the ones we’re aware of, like “I want more love,” or “I want us to be close again.”.... those are just the conscious thoughts.

But the real program that’s shaping your experience? That’s the subconscious.

That’s where your deepest beliefs reside—beliefs about yourself, about love, and about your husband.

Let me give you an example:

If, sometimes, you catch yourself thinking things like "He never listens to me" or "Men always let me down," then guess what?

Your brain is going to filter everything he does through that belief.

Even when he’s trying, you might not even see it... Because your subconscious is like, “Nope, he doesn’t care.”

It’s kinda like wearing invisible glasses with the lens of your past—how you were raised, what you saw growing up, past hurts...

All of that creates your truth.

So it’s not just what he’s doing or not doing—it’s how you’re perceiving it.

And that perception is rooted in that powerful 90% of your mind you don’t even realize is running the show.

That’s why sometimes you’re like,
"Why do I keep having the same arguments?"
“Why do I feel rejected, even when nothing’s actually wrong?”

Because what you believe to be true, that’s what keeps happening.

So, bringing back intimacy in a marriage isn’t about changing him—it’s about looking at the beliefs you’ve been holding inside.

And don’t worry, you’re not doing anything wrong—this is stuff we all carry.

But once you become aware of it, that’s where the healing starts.

That’s when things can actually shift.

So now you might be wondering, “Okay… but how do I know what I actually believe deep down?”

Good question.

Start by paying attention to your automatic thoughts.

You know, those thoughts that pop up in your head without you even thinking.

Like when your husband forgets to text you all day and your mind immediately goes,
“He doesn’t care about me.”

Or when you try to start a conversation and he seems distracted, and you instantly feel like,
“Why do I even bother? He never listens anyway.”

Those are clues to what’s going on in your subconscious.

And the truth is, most of us never stop to question those thoughts—we just believe them like they’re facts.

But they’re NOT facts.

They’re beliefs that were shaped by your experiences growing up—maybe by watching how your parents treated each other.

Or by what you heard about men, relationships, or even about your own worth.

And here’s the big "aha" moment I want you to have today:
Your subconscious beliefs are not the truth.

They’re just old programs. And the beautiful thing is you can change them.

Here’s a simple example:

Let’s say your belief is “My husband never prioritizes me.”
Every time he chooses work or his phone over talking to you, your brain says, “See? I told you.”

But maybe… just maybe, he’s stressed. Or overwhelmed. Or not even realizing how his actions are coming across.

But because your subconscious is wearing that lens, you can’t see the full picture. You just see the pain.

So if we want to get the spark back in a broken relationship, we have to start with rewiring those beliefs.

Start replacing the thought “He doesn’t care” with something like,
“Maybe he’s just struggling and doesn’t know how to connect right now.”
Or
“I am worthy of love, and I’m open to seeing him differently today.”

It might feel weird at first, but over time, you’re literally reprogramming your truth.

And that changes how you see your husband, and eventually, how he responds to you too.

Because energy is real.

He can feel that shift in you.

And I just want to say…
This isn’t about blaming you or saying you’re the problem.

Not at all, my dear.

This is about Empowerment.

Because you can’t always control what he does, but you can take back your power by healing what’s going on inside of you.

And that is a powerful step toward how to save your marriage when it seems impossible.

Not by pushing, fixing, or begging—but by shifting the beliefs that are shaping how you show up.

Takeaway #1 – Check What’s Going On In Your Subconscious

Takeaway #2: Do a Life Audit — aka, a Relationship Reality Check

If you’ve been wondering how to bring back intimacy in a marriage, you’re not alone — and you’re exactly where you need to be.

Okay, let’s talk about something that’s not always fun, but so necessary if you really want to bring back intimacy in a marriage…

It’s called a life audit—or more specifically, a Relationship Audit.

Now don’t worry, it’s not a test and you’re not getting graded! :-)

This is just a gentle, honest check-in with yourself.

A little pause to look at what’s really been going on in your relationship and in your own emotional world.

Now, if you’re struggling with how to save your marriage when it seems impossible, sometimes you need to look backward.

But not to get stuck there.

Just to gain some clarity.

I love this quote I read once—can’t remember where exactly but it stuck with me:
“Your past is a place of reference, NOT a place of residence.”

Let that one sink in.

We don’t dig into the past to live there—we go back just to see what patterns have been playing out.

What stories we’ve been telling ourselves. The beliefs we’re holding onto. And what needs to be let go of.

So here’s what you can do:
Find a quiet moment (maybe after the kids are asleep or during your alone time), and grab a journal or open a notes app. Ask yourself:

• When did I start feeling disconnected in my marriage?

• What specific moments hurt me, even if I didn’t talk about them?

• How did i respond to those moments—did I shut down, get angry, stay quiet?

• Are there unresolved emotions I’ve been carrying?

And also… reflect on this:

• What did I witness in love and relationships growing up?

• Did I see love as peaceful and safe—or full of tension and struggle?

This is powerful stuff.

Because when we understand what we’ve been through—what shaped us—it becomes easier to understand why we react the way we do now.

And honestly? That’s how you start to get the spark back in a broken relationship.

Not by trying to fix your husband...

But by understanding what’s inside of you that’s ready to be healed and transformed.

And can I just say? Be so gentle with yourself during this process.

This isn’t about blame. This is about awareness. And awareness is love.

Now, I know going back into your past might feel a little heavy at first.

But this isn’t about reliving the pain—this is about reclaiming your power.

See, a lot of us were never taught how to have a healthy relationship.

We might’ve grown up seeing our moms constantly over-functioning, always giving and giving, even when they were emotionally exhausted.

Or maybe we witnessed silence, arguments, coldness… and somewhere deep inside, we learned “Maybe this is just how marriage is.”

But no, my dear. That’s not your destiny.

That’s just your reference point. Like we said earlier, “your past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.”

And when you do this kind of reflection—this life audit—you actually start to break free from that autopilot mode.

You begin to see clearly:

• What’s yours to heal.

• What’s his to take responsibility for.

• And what both of you might have been unconsciously repeating—generation after generation.

And don’t be surprised if emotions come up. That’s a good thing.

You might realize, “Wow, I’ve been carrying this silent resentment for years.”
Or

“I’ve been needing emotional support, but I’ve never really voiced it clearly.”

And from that place of awareness, you get to decide:
“What kind of love story do I want to write from here?”

Because the beautiful thing is—once you see it, you can start to shift it.

This is one of the most important steps in learning how to bring back intimacy in a marriage—by getting honest about what has really been going on underneath the surface.

Not the stuff you post online or tell your friends… but the stuff your heart has been quietly carrying.

So please, don’t skip this.

Even if it feels uncomfortable—do the audit.

Write it out.

Reflect on your story.

Because when you understand your story, you can rewrite the ending.

Takeaway #3: Victim Mind vs. Creator Mind

Okay my dear, this one might shake you a little… but in the best way possible.

Here it is: You are not a victim of your circumstances. You are the creator of your experience.

I know, I know—your first instinct might be like, “Wait, hold on—are you saying i asked for the hurt, the distance, the rejection?”

No, not consciously.

But subconsciously? That’s where the truth lives.

And once we see that, we take back our power.

See, in every relationship, you’re not just the supporting role.

You’re the main character. The writer. The director.

This isn’t someone else’s movie that you’re just reacting to.

It’s your story. And you get to say how it plays out.

But here's the sneaky thing about our ego—what I call our “little self.”
That part of us loves to blame.

“Well, if he wasn’t so emotionally unavailable, maybe i wouldn’t feel so lonely.”

“If he just showed up more, I’d be happy again.”

Sound familiar?

But that mindset—the victim mind—keeps you stuck in the same loop.

It puts all your power in his hands.

And let’s be honest… haven’t you given away enough of yourself already?

Now flip the script.

When you step into your creator mind, you realize:

“Wow. I chose this relationship. I stayed through this season. I accepted certain behaviors because of what i believed about myself or about love.”

And you don’t say that to blame yourself—but to finally reclaim your power.

If you’ve done your life audit, like we talked about earlier, you’ll start to see the pattern.

You’ll notice how your own beliefs, expectations, even fears might’ve silently shaped how things unfolded.

And from that awareness… comes creation.

You get to rewrite your love story.

You get to change how you show up.

You get to stop waiting for him to change—and start being the shift you want to see.

So next time that little voice inside says,
“Ugh, it’s his fault I feel like this…”
kindly tell her,
“Maybe. But I’m the one who chooses what to do next.”

Because bringing back intimacy in your marriage isn’t just about fixing the other person…it’s about remembering your power as the woman who creates love, connection, and magic from within.

And my dear, when you do that? That’s how the real healing—and the spark—comes back.

That’s how to save your marriage when it seems impossible.

That’s how to get the spark back in a broken relationship.

That’s how you become the woman who doesn’t just survive marriage—but thrives in it.

Imagine your marriage is like a movie playing out on a big screen.

Now… most of us are sitting in the audience, watching the drama unfold, hands over our mouths like,
“What is going on with this plot? This is not how I pictured things going!”

But guess what?

You're not the audience.

You're not even just one of the actors.

You’re the screenwriter. You’re the director.

You hold the camera.
You choose the lighting, the angles, the vibe of the whole story.

So the real question becomes:
Are you telling a love story that uplifts you… or a survival story where you’re always waiting to be rescued?

And my dear, I say that with so much love. I’ve been there.

I used to think, “But he’s the one shutting me out. He’s the one who changed.”

And that may have been true on the surface…
but when I did the life audit and stopped blaming, I saw that I had given up on myself first.

I stopped expressing my needs.
I buried my truth to avoid conflict.
I silenced my heart in exchange for peace… and ended up with emptiness instead.

Shifting out of victim mind doesn’t mean we ignore what’s happened.

It just means we stop living there.

Here are a few loving, reflective questions to ask yourself right now:

• Where in my marriage have I been giving away my power without realizing it?

• What story have I been repeating about my husband, and is it keeping me stuck?

• What would change if I showed up as the loving, powerful creator I truly am?

Because when you stop playing small in your own story…that’s when the energy shifts.

That’s when intimacy starts to spark again—not because of what he’s doing, but because of who you’re being.

And listen, I know this is not easy work.
But it's so worth it.

If you’ve been wondering how to bring back intimacy in a marriage,

If you’ve felt like you’re barely holding on and wondering how to save your marriage when it seems impossible,

Or if you’ve been craving to know how to get the spark back in a broken relationship—
then this is your sign. Right now.

You’re not broken.
Your marriage isn’t doomed.
You just need to reconnect with your own power—and from that place, miracles can happen. 💖

So yes—you are the creator.

Not just of your to-do list. Not just of the meals, the housework, the schedule.

You are the creator of your reality.

And this isn’t just a nice idea—it’s universal law.

Everything you experience in the outer world starts from what you hold in your inner world.

Your beliefs.
Your emotions.
Your energy.

Let’s take a real-life example:
let’s say your husband hasn’t been affectionate lately.
The victim mind says,

"He doesn’t love me anymore. He’s emotionally unavailable. This marriage is over.”

But the creator mind gently asks,

“What beliefs or energy am i holding that might be contributing to this disconnection?”
“Am I acting like I'm shut down or trying to protect myself too much?”
“Do I still speak to him like I believe in us?”

Because when we show up believing “this is broken,” we subconsciously act that belief out.

But if you shift your inner story to say,
“I am worthy of deep love. I choose connection. I am safe to open my heart again,” you start showing up differently—and that energy changes everything.

Think of it like planting seeds.
Every thought, every belief, every story you tell yourself is a seed.

Are you planting seeds of love, hope, and possibility?

Or seeds of resentment, fear, and defeat?

You are the gardener, my dear.
The soil is your subconscious.
And the harvest is your marriage experience.

This doesn’t mean blame yourself. Please no.
This means empower yourself.

Because when you start living from creator mind, you don’t wait for your husband to change.

You don’t wait for the perfect moment.

You become the change.

You embody the energy of love, intimacy, and emotional safety.

And that energy is powerful—it’s magnetic.

When you shift, your relationship shifts.

So here’s your reminder:
you are not a background character in your life.

You’re not at the mercy of your circumstances.

You are the main character. The creator. The queen.

You are not a pauper begging for scraps of love and attention.

You are the queen of your life.

You don’t chase—you lead with love.

You command with energy.

You create your reality from the inside out.

You get to rewrite the script, reclaim your power, and create the love story you truly desire. One loving step at a time.

No more asking, “Why doesn’t he love me like before?”
Start asking, “How do I want to feel in this relationship? And how can I embody that now?”

Because the queen doesn’t wait for love—
she becomes it.

And I promise you, when you start walking in that truth, when you start aligning your subconscious beliefs, doing your relationship audit, and owning your power as the creator…

That intimacy you’re craving?

It starts coming back.

Not because you begged for it… but because you became a match for it.